My motivation to learn Japanese

I really want to learn Japanese. As a kid, I enjoyed Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, Naruto, Shugo Chara, and more. I loved Anime (still do). I enjoyed trying to imitate their words and there were even words I picked up on. I love Anime and Manga so much. That is my inspiration to learn Japanese. I also want to be able to go to that country and just speak correctly. I hate Spanish with a passion. I hate the exceptional verbs and irregular verbs conjugations. It's annoying! I feel with Japanese the verbs are so much constant. Also, with Spanish, EVERYONE knows Spanish! At least, with Japanese you can write something and they won't know what you are saying. I love Japanese and I love the culture. I want to be able to buy Japanese manga books and read it fluently. If I was able to go through a japanese manga book without having difficulty reading what it said, I would be in tears, because that means I have worked hard. By the end of my senior year in high school, I would like to be fluent in it as well as okay in Spanish. My school doesn't have Japanese. So I have to learn Spanish and by 12th grade, I have to take the LOTE exam ( Language Other Than English) and just pass it. After that Spanish is leaving my life. I just hope I will be able to be fluent in Japanese, while learning Spanish. Since the writing is different from both, I just hope I won't get confused. That is my motivation: Manga, Anime, and the Culture. I want that motivation to be a strong fire burning inside of me that will push me to learn every word that is difficult. Every word that causes me stress. I want that blaze to still burn inside me no matter what.

Sometimes my mind races and I think of the future. Sometimes, I am scared of the future, and then sometimes I am excited. High school is the last year of free education. After highschool, your into university/college. It'll be your first big step into true freedom. WHen I was younger, I always dreamed of highschool. The independence. Everything. But now, I want to take a step back. I feel as if everything is going too fast. I'm scared. But, no matter what, time keeps moving. I still want to be a famous actress. That hasn't changed. But I'm looking at when can I grab the opportunity. I was thinking of doing it when I was 16 to start and gradually working from there. I think I have a bit of it planned out. But I'm scared of my mom and dad's reaction. I know my dad wants me to work in the medical fields and honestly if I pursue this, I can't fuck up. I mean if I still love acting, which I'm pretty sure I will, I would want the fame to keep building, but if it's going at a slower pace I'll make sure I major in something medical. WHen I close my eyes, the first thing that makes me happy is acting, not the sound of heart monitors beeping. It makes me nauseous. I want to guided, and I know only the greater force will lead me to my path. If God wants me to be a famous actress, he'll mark the way there. If he doesn't it means he wants me to path out the way myself, and if that doesn't work choose an alternate route. I pray to God, God wants me to be an actress. "If things fail, try, try, again."